For over a month, we have shared the ideas of the "It Could Be Wirsing" campaign and told the tales of the leader called Karl. Word has spread; the buzz is defeaning. And it is my belief that we can no longer deprive the wirld of the immediate, palpable presence of Karl. He not only needs to be heard, he needs to be seen and smelt and felt up by soccer moms and pageant queens and scoutmasters.
As Director of Physical Fitness, I know that Karl is ready to greet the uniwirse. Have you seen his arms? He's been working on them all the time. They look like a python that just swallowed a bear. You could do your laundry on this man's stomach. The muscles from his thighs could feed an African country for a month if they could ever chew through the meat, which I doubt. His pectorals can do the macarena. Trust me, he's not only ready to meet the wirld. He's ready to hoist the wirld over his head and steal its girlfriend.
I mean, for Karl's sake, you can bounce a quarter ten stories off Karl's ass, which is why I believe the perfect setting for his inaugural appearance should be as a judge in a Mr. Tight Buns competition. He would be placed in a seat of authority and able to reveal his key decision making and judgment skills, his ability to relate to everyday joes and janes, and his appreciation for people who work hard, who do not take short cuts (like performance enhancing drugs), in their drives to fulfill the American Dream. Colleagues, look at this photograph. This is the American Dream. And Karl, as a Mr. Tight Buns judge, will be able to help one lucky person achieve it.