Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Shannon Doctrine

After doing a lot of thinking last night and this morning, among other things, I have decided to graciously accept the title of Director of Doing It offered to me at last night's barbecue. Doing what, you might ask. Doing it, I'll reply with a sly laugh, adding that it can be whatever you want it to be or whatever it is that needs to get done. Whatever it is, I'll be directing it to the best of my capability.

This leads us, of course, to The Shannon Doctrine. I find that the words I'm about to share with you are very, very important words to live by and, I think, really embody the take-action attitude of the Wirsing campaign. The Shannon Doctrine is simple: sex first, personality/thinking/whatever later. When entering a relationship, many worry about whether or not the other person is into them, many start second-guessing themselves before the relationship has ever begun, many just think way too damn much. If you follow the Shannon Doctrine, then you will know right away whether it is going to work or not because, let's be honest here, if the sex is bad or lacking, chances are the relationship will be too. It's really a win/win situation here - if the sex was bad and the relationship ends, well, hey, at least you got laid. If the sex is good, you have at least one more month before the person gets on your nerves. Or, if you're lucky, it could be the beginning of something really beautiful. At any rate, and I repeat myself here, hey, at least you got laid.

What does this have to do with politics? Oh come on people, sex has everything to do with politics! We need to help Karl to politically, emotionally and intellectually seduce the American people so that when election day comes around, they go to the polls and "go all the way" by voting for him. I mean come on, who really stops at third base these days?

So, members of the Wirsing campaign, I implore you to go out tonight and drink and be merry at Andy's going away/birthday party and, of course, follow The Shannon Doctrine. Just remember to use protection.


Karl said...

The truth is sensationally gorgeous, and Shannon speaks it.

Brian Joseph Hurley said...

Awesome. Hey, is there a directory of personnel for the Team Wirsing staff? I'd be curious to see who all holds what position by now.

Karl said...

Good idea. I'll try to put one together. We should know what we've filled, and which crucial holes remain.