New fists in the ring

Things have looked rather bleak on the campaign front, I'm afraid, for quite some time. But then I glanced over the last post this morning and found an extra comment tacked on from Holly Togel. That name sounded awfully familiar, and then her threat that she "plays dirty" sent me digging into the It Could Be Wirsing archives. And there it was: Miss Togel, too, is running for president in 2032. She's the one who pledged to paint the White House blue? Yeah, that's her, the artisitic type.

Can this really be you, Holly, or just someone pulling my leg? Has someone stolen your identity and challenged me in your stead? If it IS you, then I welcome the competition! What we've needed in these languishing times is a little spirited ribbing. So I ask you, Holly, or mock-Holly, or whoever it is impersonating you, what say you to a little debate?

A Convenient Truth

Now that Al Gore has won an Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth, it's time to assess how Hollywood impacts the Presidential process. Clearly, Oscar is the new Peace Prize. And while we at It Could Be Wirsing have the luxury of time before the election, it's not smart to hold back too long on this crucial campaign step. After all, it took Martin Scorsese more than 25 years to win his--and as much as I love Karl, he's no Scorsese.

The Gore model is a good one. A documentary is the ideal format. Serious subject matter says "I care," and the long-form type lends gravitas. This does not mean, however, that the potential candidate should necessarily choose Issue Du Jour. After all, Mr. Gore spent years being ignored in Congress, when he'd go on and on about environmental stuff while everyone else headed out for drinks, long before Leonardo DiCaprio ever considered driving a hybrid. And now we care because Al cares (and because "Kyoto" is a fun word to say).

Accordingly, I propose a theme that is already near to Karl's heart, one which will probably become relevant somehow in the next twenty-five years: prairie dogs. Sure, the hum of this issue is still pretty low; no one has sent Anderson Cooper out to the midwest yet to do an in-depth story with his characteristic "empathetic face" on.

But if we begin to get the word out now, the Academy will be ready for a revelatory film by 2030. And it will be a great night. Dakota Fanning and Karl doing scripted banter about his coy non-answers about exploratory committees. Ryan Seacrest (after his fourth facelift) asking inappropriate questions on the red carpet. And--ultimately--a swell of Hollywood goodwill and contribution dollars before the hangovers set in the next morning.

The gaudy, glitter-strewn stage has been set. I think we're up to this challenge.