Thursday, July 20, 2006
Edible Complex
One of my spokesmen earlier today misquoted me a bit when he said I am pro all delicious sandwiches. Let us be perfectly clear here: with respect to the exotic foods market, I only approve of three-letter meats, like eel, yak and emu. I strongly frown on harvesting dolphin, shark, alligator and any other longer worded animal (with the possible exceptions of buffalo, unicorn and condor).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
and HAM! But the real elephant in the campaign room here is mayonnaise. According to my foot soldiers (I just call them "the Foot") who've been rooting through Karl's garbage since March of 2005, our glorious candidate goes through six or seven jars of mayonnaise each week. Ruling out mayonnaise as a personal lubricant, this can only mean that Karl Wirsing loves him some white butta. And why shouldn't he?
Mayonnaise is an emulsion, which means it's a combination of two substances that don't blend together. In this case, the egg yolk doesn't blend with the oil and vinegar. So you can build mayonnaise up to a certain point, and then it collapses because of inherent chemical tensions.
So I have a question for the voters of the 2032 presidential election: don't you want a candidate whose lifeblood--literally, the cholesterol coursing through his veins--is composed of seemingly imcompatible substances? Only Karl Wirsing can unite the vinegars and the egg yolks of our diverse nation. Yes, Karl Wirsing eats diversity for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, on his delicious mayonnaise sandwiches. What's next? Blacks and whites living in harmony. Arabs and Jews softly combing each other's beards. And godless liberals casting a vote for Karl Wirsing alongside the fearmongering bedwetters of the American right wing.
Mayonnaise is more than a sandwich condiment, my friends. It is the Karl Wirsing style of leadership.
Hard to object to this kind of enthusiasm, frankly. And he's right: I do love the mayonnaise.
Post a Comment