Speaking of media training

My fellow Americans, it occurred to me that I may or may not have trash-talked to a couple of 10-year-olds, both of whom neither know me nor that I'm running against them. That's pretty low-brow, no? So, borrowing from Countessa Vanessa's media-savvy advice (don't we all make such a dandy team?), I apologize for even the slightest hint of a negative campaign. I'm a quick learner. And Mike is, as always, correct, except he oughta tighten my leash. We are indeed a campaign of ideas. Progressive ideas. Fair ideas. Tolerant ideas. Climate-changing ideas. A vote for me is a vote for cloud-bursting change; for cool breezes when all we feel is suffocating heat; for UV rays that bronze the skin without damaging it; for fake-and-bake that doesn't leave people looking like leatherback turtles; for snow you can ball up in your bare hands without the faintest shiver; for deserts with 50 inches of annual rainfall; for pole-dancing without back injury; for Corona and a lovely lime wedge when all you have on tap is bathwater-warm Natty Light, because that's plain disgusting.

At the same time, the sooner that Holly and Noah learn that ours is a Karl-eat-not Karl wirld, the better.

Remember: We aren't the tide of the future. We're the moon.

It could be me