Thursday, August 24, 2006

Staff Update and Call for Officers

As per Brian's request, I've tried to identify everyone's title. Oddly, Brian himself, as far as I know, has lacked an official role. So I've given him a lovely one below.

Me, Candidate
Mike Moats, Campaign Manager
Tony Schaffer, Director of Physical Fitness
Ashley Peterson, Director of Lessons Learned
Brian Hurley, Senior Marketing Director and Campaign Strategist
Kate Lopaze, Vice-Presidential Committee Chairman
Shannon Derby, Director of Doing It
Meredith Devney, Director of Outdoor Life
Aaron Wirsing, Director of Conservation and Environmental Affairs
Jonno Forman, Legal Consultant
Caroline Kraft, Senior Campaign Publicist
Matt Kaberline, Activities Coordinator
Katie Hunt ...
Vanessa Carlisle, Director of Media Training
Camron Terwilliger ...
Hal Stallworth, Foreign Policy Advisor
Eve Kager, Economic Advisor
Alex Charlow, Online Strategist
John Heider, Director of post-Soviet Outreach
Robert Repino ...
Allison Trzop ...
David Sloan...
Robert Doty ...

Please help fill in these holes and others. I've granted too many late-night cabinet offices and am having difficulty recalling them all. I once dubbed someone Secretary of the Morbidly Obese, and there must be more out there.


Carolyn said...

If I may be so bold, may I request the title of Team Wirsing Cheer Captain? What's a presidential campaign without pompoms and high kicks? Nothing, I tell you, nothing.
In order to earn this title I plan to immediately begin devising ways to rhyme "Karl" with "aggressive" and Wirsing with "fight" and "win tonight." I'm sure it can be done. Then I'll set the whole thing to madly catchy hip-hop music. Victory and basket-tosses will ensue.

Karl said...

Wish granted. But only if you pump out that Jock Jams song every once in a while. You know, the one with "I LIke to Move it, Move it" and a dozen other cheesy jams rolled into that obnoxiously intoxicating "Are ya'll ready for this?" beat from Bring It On. I like that one.

Brian Joseph Hurley said...

Who's gonna be the fluffer?

Biographer, spokemodel, moon base commander, silver knob polisher, director of guerrilla affairs, bartender, wife, meteorologist, policy scapegoat, patriotic American necktie selector?

katie the pirate said...

On the subject of cheerleaders (sort of), this story below bodes well for any legal challenges Karl may face. Provided we have a healthy enough Groping Defense Fund.

Karl said...

What's the rest of that website?

Tony said...

I thought I was running for President.

John said...

John Heider, director of post-Soviet outreach